Okay, I will admit it. Some people say I am "a little" on the over-protective and structured side. I think some of it comes from only having 2 kids when I wanted 4 or 5 or 6...... Maybe it stems from my desire to always be "good," but, to be honest, I didn't think it was that bad until I found another patient here who I adored instantly and relate to a lot. She has a boy and a girl in the same order as me and are similar in personalities -- just a little older now. Other than the fact that she is about 85 lbs right now, we are a lot alike. And, today, she told me to learn to "let it go."
I guess this is a theme for me right now. Last week a dr I am starting to work with along with Dr. Lodi told me very much the same thing; he said that I need some mind work (am I psycho?) to figure why I think I have to be so busy trying to do stuff all the time to be a good mom. Rick told me that he doesn't care if I am a vegetable, he still wants me around. Caleb just wants me to play with him and Emma just wants snuggles and piano lessons. And I am trying to figure all that out.
A month ago when I started having pain, I found myself not fixing dinner (and not caring what my family ate for dinner) for the first time since I had kids. I found myself leaving whatever dishes didn't fit in the dishwasher in the sink for the first time in my entire life. The kids have watched tv at times when it wasn't Friday. I have not given in to the xbox on a day other than Friday, yet, but we'll see...... And you know what? The world did not end when I woke up to dishes. I always thought I would feel "behind" to begin the day with dirty dishes. You know what? Since I am a morning person, sometimes I have more energy at 6:30am to do dishes than at 6:00pm when a dirty pan may have put me in a puddle of tears with the energy it took to clean it when I was soooo very tired. I have also learned that if my kids and husband do the dishes, I no longer care how the silverware goes in. Caleb is learning to do his own laundry -- and the only thing I make him sort out is his white church shirt. When the kids fold their own clothes, I don't care how it is folded -- I am just happy that they are the ones doing it.
So, in my struggle to "let it go", how far do I go? Such a silly dilemma. But here is what my new friend pointed out to me today -- she asked me:
"Have you noticed the 'healthy' moms? They are the ones who just seem to us over-protective moms like they don't care. Their kids run around doing whatever, the houses aren't always clean, but everyone is always happy. The moms have their projects and don't seem run by a schedule. They fix dinner when they feel like it and don't worry about how healthy it is (okay I don't know if I can COMPLETELY let go of that one, though)."
Such a silly blog post, but this has really been a dilemma for me lately. I want to be around long-term and that means I need to learn to let a lot of things go....... Maybe I am afraid I will go the opposite extreme. And what is that?????????
I could use some advice and help on this one.
Our Family
Rick, Caleb-12, Emma-9, Anna
Matthew 18:20
For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I also.
8 comments:
OH Anna, there are some very good thoughts here. Alot to think about, and I've been thinking along the same lines. Only my dishes were never done everyday, lol. I love that my kids can fold and put away their own laundry, they even do the towels (I thought that would never happen). It's good to let things go and just hold on to the things that you don't feel you can. The hard part might be figuring out which is which.
P.S. I'm so glad I found you on facebook and hope we can catch up sometime. I don't know if you knew this, but when I met you in Heritage ward I had just started coming back to church. You played a big role in helping my testimony grow and I am so glad I got to get to know you as a VT and friend.
It is very hard to learn to let go. I have had the same struggle for years now with having fibromyalgia. My house never looks perfect. Heck, I have even let Emily go to school in clothes that don't match!!! If your family ever feels unloved, then and only then would I have say you have gone too far the other direction. As long as everyone is happy, fed, and clothed, all is good. I can't even begin to tell you how many times we have had cold cereal for dinner. Nope, the world does not come to an end. It doesn't mean I'm not still a control freak about some things, but I'm slowly learning to pick and choose. It's kinda like learning to pick your battles. Some things just aren't all that important in the scheme of things. I love you and miss you my friend and hope and pray you have a speedy recovery and are with us for a REALLY long time!
Anna! You are amazing and the fact that you struggle with letting go just shows that you are such a good mom. I wish I could care MORE than I do. Maybe a cross between you and me would be good! I admire you for trying to let things go. Seriously - for your sanity, do it! Enjoy the chaos that may come - even if you go to the "opposite extreme" like you say you might, the worse thing that could happen is you would end up like me! ha ha ha! Hey, are you up for visitors - Geoff and I will be in Mesa on the 3rd and 4th of July and we just HAVE to see you if you are available! Love you - and hope you are doing well!
Anna, you are beautiful mother and person no matter how the dishes or laundry get done. You have a beautiful family and they will always be that way, even if they help out a bit. Letting it go is something I continually work on so just keep at it!
I've been out-of-town for a long time now and just had a chance to check your blog to see how things were going. I'm sorry I wasn't around to help with the move, but it sounds like the angels were out in full force. I am glad. You will be in my prayers for much joy and strength to come your way!
Love ya and take care.
Well I'm on the opposite side. My dishes are rarely completely done (though I blame that on not having a dishwasher right now). My sister is like you were. I don't think there's any right way to be-- I do think it's nice to not have to worry about doing things perfectly all the time. There are other things to think about and do, and it's important to think about the good, better, best aspect... best is having a home that's conducive to happiness. When my house is too dirty then it interferes with our happiness. If I couldn't stop to play with the kids because I had to keep things perfect, then that interferes too.
I'm sure you'll find the right balance for you, and I think it's great that you're aware of needing to let go (and I'm aware of needing to grab on!).
Healthy meals AREN'T optional, though! I don't think that is the same as having the towels all folded the same or the dishes done at night--so it's the one thing that I am a little uptight about : )
I love this post. It's a great reminder to me. I used to be very ocd about certain things but, since having Vilate I have learned to Let it Go or I'll Go CRAZY...
It's hard to find a good balance, so thanks for the reminder. I love yall and your in our prayers..
Okay Anna, I am not a blog commenter. So, this is a stretch for me.
The way that "Paige." stated her thoughts on good better and best expresses how I feel too. Ask in prayer for help in seeing what's important.
In addition, I have found answers to my prayers for temperance by tapping in on the subject "even though it is not how I'd want it... I can feel peace." It's an amazing tender mercy :)
We love you.
Even though it is hard for us to let you guys go from 93% Williamson County and 7% Travis County.
we know you're just a cell phone/computer click away :)
Love this post, babe: I must be a healthy mom! I'm so healthy people turn me in :( But I guess that's a good sign! Healthy dinners are a must here, too, though.
I am so excited I found you again! Keep it up, and we can pretend we still see each other more than one in never. Stay healthy and happy. I can't believe how big your kids are!
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