Okay, I know it looks like I am headed off for some inter-galactic space mission. But, I am not being loaded into a space shuttle in this picture. That would be MUCH cooler. It also may look like I am set to take a little siesta: just kicked back, relaxed and ready to snooze. That is not what is going on here, either.
This next picture gives a better view of the real story:
And, I may look like I am smiling; but it is only for the camera. Meet Tomo -- that is what I call this lovely machine that has become my arch-enemy in the last week. Meet the machine that I am supposed to be grateful for, but am really trying to decide if it is a blessing or a curse.
Tomo is mean. Tomo looks harmless. Tomo looks kind of cool and space-agey. Tomo seems friendly as I get to interact with Tomo while laying on a pillow and have my leg propped up comfortably. There are even kind, compassionate, adorable people who push the buttons on Tomo to make him come to life. But, as soon as these lovely people leave the room and Tomo comes to life, the REAL Tomo appears. This is the Tomo that makes a clicking noise that makes you think of a sprinkler and a broken record stuck on the same pitch. But that is not the worst of it. Tomo even gets your stomach on his side. So by the time you are finished, your stomach is a mass of twisted, churning gunk and your equilibrium decides to take a vacation. By the time you get home (a short 25 minutes later) you are so violently ill that even water is a detestable sight. And, getting things to stay in that stomach that is now on Tomo's side? Impossible! Water, soup, salad, juice, fruit -- Tomo is no respecter of food. All of it has gone to the enemy's side. Or, maybe it is not the fault of the food. Maybe my taste-buds have gone to the dark side.
I have decided that I HATE radiation. This is supposed to be the "easy"-er kind. This is supposed to be the kind of radiation that targets the tumors only and doesn't get any healthy tissue (or very little), allowing for a major reduction of all or most side effects. Maybe I should be grateful --- maybe this IS good for radiation. Just think. It only took 6-7 hours at the Dr.'s on Friday to get re-hydrated and re-mineralized. Maybe that is good for most people.
Maybe I have something to look forward to in all of this: maybe I will get super skinny and be able to fit back into all those old clothes.
Hopefully, we can get this wrinkled out soon. In the meantime, I am trying to look at the good side of Tomo -- what is that? It does LOOK cool and since I have to see Tomo 5 days/week, by the end, I am determined to come out on top and TAME that beast!
3 comments:
Anna! Your good attitude never ceases to amaze me! You can find the light side to even something as dark as TOMO! Hang in there - and just know you are MY HERO, and you are loved very much!
Oh Anna, I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be to have to do something like that 5 times/week knowing what the effects will be and how miserable you will feel. I don't even really know what to say really, because when I think about what the worst part of having cancer would be (not having any experience at all of course except for what I've seen in the movies), this is what I think of. And I absolutely hate to think that you are having to go through this right now. My heart and mind are with you Anna.
Let's see... TOMO... Tame Our Mean Ogre.... ??? If anyone can tame the beast, you can! I LOVE YOU!!
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