Friday, April 16, 2010


Whew!  Well, it took a bit of a mess, but I got a reprieve from radiation this week.  I did go on Tuesday, before I got told to stop, but that is it. 

My white blood count dropped to 1.3 (1300) this week -- anything below 3000 is danger-level.  And I wasn't responding to some quick treatments to bring it up.  I guess after a couple of weeks of not keeping down food or water, my immune system screamed help. Dr. said, "No more radiation or chemo until we can get it back up."  I am NOT broken-hearted.  I want to be done with radiation, but I may not be.  When I get a little more stabilized, we will see where we are at and determine at that point if I still need the radiation, or if I can get the results I want with just the chemo.  Cross your fingers for me that I won't need anymore radiation.

The good news is that with this reprieve, I have only thrown up a few times this week and I am starting to eat occasionally.  Sometimes it even tastes good.  Hopefully, all of that will continue.  For food to not sound good to ME?  Well, that is new.

I have had a much better week.  I hate the mask I have to wear and I am not allowed to go to Church for a while, but today I drove to get the kids from school (the first time in about 3 weeks I have driven anywhere) and I did laundry today.  I cried doing the grateful to be feeling up to doing laundry.  Isn't that funny?  But, as I folded my families clothes I was incredibly grateful for the people who wear them and bless my life each day. 

Monday, April 5, 2010

I Know that Sunday WILL Come

I apologize for being redundant, but I just HAD to post this again on my blog.  In preparing for a Family Home Evening Lesson tonight, I was feeling lazy.  I wanted something meaningful, but not something that would take a long time to prepare.  I spent all day at the Dr's office again today getting rehydrated.  I know the talks were great in General Conference, but this was one conference I will get the most out of by reading the Ensign, as I spent most of the weekend sleeping or throwing up. 

Anyway, I remembered this YouTube clip I had posted last summer and as I watched it I cried and cried.  This last "Friday" for me has felt long and hard -- too hard.  At times I have wondered if I would come out of it or if it was worth it to keep fightting and hoping for Sunday. 

So this clip and the Finding Faith in Christ DVD with a testimony meeting was our lesson.  Maybe it is "lazy" prep, but it was sweet.

Sunday will come.  Sunday will come.  Sunday does come.  I know the Savior lives.  I know He loves me.  "I stand all amazed" at the grace given me each day.  At the beginning of so many days lately, the hours loom ahead and I wonder, "Can I really make it through this day?"  At the close of each day, I am so grateful for the people and things the Savior has blessed me with.  I am truly strengthened by angels each day.  Here on the earth and those on the other side whose presence is very real. 

I am grateful for beautiful music.  That is one of the things I did hear in General Conference this weekend.  Each song was for me -- sorry for any of you who think otherwise.  ;)  When the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang, How Firm a Foundation, tears started immediately.  And, that last verse - so long a favorite - holds a dear promise for me: 
"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I cannot, I will not, desert to his foes,
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake."

And, tonight, since it was Caleb's turn to pick the opening song in FHE, we sang it again (that is what he always picks -- so we sing it at least once a month in FHE). 

The sad truth is, now that I am pumped full of anti-nausea and pain meds and vitamins and minerals, I do have more hope than I had this weekend.  I need to learn how to have hope without those things, but they SURE DO make it easier.