Alive and Kicking

So, okay, I have had several people mention that it has been a long time......... We are still here. To be honest, it has been an incredibly rough month for me. I have been sick, tired and sick of being sick and tired. But I am going down to 1 chemo treatment each week now, so, hopefully, I can get some energy back. The library and I have become good friends as it is right around the corner from my Dr.'s office. Also, I am sleeping better, so that helps, too. So, I have not been on the computer much at all, unless it is for something quick.

But life has not slowed down for us and here is a list of pictures -- highlights from the last month. This month we have:
learned new tricks. Dobby learned that after babies eat at Grandma's house there are nibbles to be found.

We swam - a lot! Thanks to Uncle Spencer and Aunt Karson for letting us come over - whenever!

Emma learned to sew with Grandma. She LOVED it! And her seams were straighter than mine were until I was in high school!

We played with cousins -- pretty much all day every day.

LOTS of playing with cousins.

Two girls named Anna. I happen to think the one in pink is pretty darn beautiful - inside and out!

We got to spend time kissing babies -- though not nearly enough.

We camped in the mountains -- so nice to be cold at night! Rick and Polly and Ken did all the work. I just sat there and was lazy!

First day of school -- August 12th -- way too early for me. The kids are happy, though, and love their school. Caleb is learning the French Horn (his tone is pretty darn good for the first week). I will post more on this later.

We are ALMOST to our Webelos and Arrow of light. He has 3 more weeks. Not cutting it close or anything.

We celebrated Rick's birthday. Below is the RAW cheesecake he requested for his "cake". Yes, it is not a typo -- it is a raw cheesecake, and very very delicious! Rick tasted the little piece of one I got from Whole Foods and requested it. It was a hit. The kids loved it, too. Just goes to show that raw does not always mean green. :)

I am also going to start a new blog or two on something other than our family. This month our family is working on going gluten-free (well, mostly Caleb, since I already am and Rick hasn't quite been able to "commit" and Emma doesn't care about bread much anyway - other than pasta) and dairy-free. It is such a challenge! Like I don't have enough on my plate. But we desperately need to figure out a few things, so here we go...... I will share some of what I am learning on another blog. I will link to it when I get it up. Cooking gluten-free is such an adventure. An adventure I should have documented with pictures last week when I tried a new bread recipe that looked soooooo beautiful out of the oven, I almost cried. Then I did cry when 10 minutes later it was literally flat as a pancake. My Mom and I were laughing so hard, I was crying. If it hadn't been so funny, I would have been so sad. Caleb is already feeling better without wheat, though, after eating a little wheat over the weekend, his stomach has been a wreck for the last few days. *sigh*

Anyway, we have much to be grateful for and are looking for ways to learn to love living in Mesa. It will come, I am sure. Being close to the temple and to family top all of our lists right now. What a treat to leave at 2:55 and make it to the 3:30 session or to take the kids to the Visitors Center for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir exhibit and to the grounds for FHE. Emma loves seeing brides there and got brave enough to go talk to one. The bride was so sweet and emphasized to Emma how happy she was that she got married in the temple. Best lesson for FHE of all. :) We love playing with cousins and Grandma and having family take care of us. I am grateful for sisters and sisters-in-law and a mom who look out for me.

Another PET scan

Okay, so the good news first: I had a PET scan on Monday of last week and got the results on Thursday. GOOD news! Everything is shrinking. At a pretty quick rate. If this keeps up, there will be NO need for surgery! Hurrah!!!!

And I said, good news first, like there was bad news. There is no bad news, so that is good news, too! I have continued to ride the roller coaster of good days, bad days but I guess that is to be expected. It is frustrating not to be able to plan anything ahead of time because we aren't sure how I am going to be feeling, so we are grateful to see good results and know that this is all working and accomplishing what we want.

Overall, it has been a good month for our family. The kids have had lots of fun with cousins as the pictures below show. And, this weekend, to celebrate my good results and because Rick starts work on Monday morning, we drove over to San Diego spur of the moment to spend a day at the beach. Thanks to Jon and Megan for letting us just come jump on their weekend. We had a great day at the beach! I hope to get some pictures up from the beach at some point. But, it was a glorious, beautiful day. The kids and Rick played on the beach and in the water all afternoon while I got sun-burned on the sand, watching them and reading -- just relaxing!

Rick, Caleb and Emma ready to watch the Sharks 3D movie at the Science Center.

Abby and Emma at the Science Center.

A group of cousins with us at the Science Center.

Jacob, Caleb and McKay doing Rock Band 2. It was noisy and fun.

The Grass is Always Greener

Why is it that we want something other than what we have?

When we lived in Texas, we missed Trader Joes, but now that we are in Arizona, we want HEB back (okay we DID know we would miss it but, darn them for being so great!). When my sister sees dead deer on the side of the road, she says, “Why did you have to think the grass was greener on the other side? Why couldn’t you have just stayed where you are?” I say there are never enough hours in the day to get things done, but when I can’t sleep after a chemo treatment I get discouraged about not sleeping instead of using that time to be productive. My daughter has the body I always wanted (those LONG beautiful legs), but I stress about finding clothes that fit and are modest and cute for her ultra-thin body.

You get the idea.

Today, this cute cute body (in the above picture) that I love so much put on an apron and wanted to make herb rolls with me for dinner. I was thrilled. This little person is someone who pops over to visit several times a day from next door and I adore her! Today, she measured, stirred and mixed and then kneaded away until the dough was ready.

The ironic part: HER mom was making bread next door and she was not interested in helping her at all. MY kids were watching “Herbie: Fully Loaded” and weren’t interested in helping ME at all, but I am sure if they knew Aunt Karson was making bread next door, they would have thought it was fun to help her.

Regardless, fun, cute Gracie – I love her. I did NOT feel good after chemo today – this was a hard day. And she brought a little sunshine into my life.

Happy 4th of July!

Our Fourth of July celebration started waaaayyy too early. The ward had a breakfast/parade/flag ceremony that started at 7:00am. The kids got up at 6:00 to decorate their bikes, then off to the church to we went.

Here is a picture of Emma and her friend Maddy. It has been so nice for the kids to already know people here from last year. It has definitely made the transition a little easier.

Here is Caleb with two friends: Tyler and Josh.

Stopping in the "parade" long enough for me to get a picture.

Our patriotic puppy: mad because we wouldn't let him join the parade. He was thrilled with all the kids there!

Later in the day, we swam and had fun. Brady and Berta came over and Polly and Ken. The trampoline ring became a "sparring" ring. The funniest part about it was the audience on the side. The little girls lined up chairs to watch (just like fair maidens), then they were joined by the younger boys, as well.

Emma had a bit of a rough day, physically, though. Early in the day, I got to watch her racing down the street on a scooter (with Dobby attached to the handlebars by his leash) and do a flip in the middle of the road -- landing on her head and sliding on her knee. Ouch! Then, later, while swimming, she flipped off the diving board and hit her back. MORE ouch! Then, as soon as she recovered from that, she and Rick were playing and she bent her fingers back and couldn't use her hand the rest of the day. When it still hurt this morning and had some black and blue and swelling, we were worried that it was broken, so we took a quick trip to the urgent care. Thank goodness, it was okay. She got to see x-rays for the first time and was fascinated by the whole thing.

Overall, it was a fun day. And we are happy that it didn't end with a cast on a hand. Not swimming or playing the piano for 6 weeks were thoughts she couldn't bear.

Today Feels Like Friday, but I Know Sunday Will Come

Yesterday was a hard day and it went on a lot of the night. I learned yesterday afternoon that a friend from last summer had passed away yesterday morning. This man is one who came to be treated by Dr. Lodi also. I fell in love with Tom and Dana as a couple. They were my age, full of life and enthusiasm and spunk. You rarely see people as in love as these two! They loved each other, their kids and just being a family. It has been hard to think about Tom passing away. I had just recently learned that he wasn't doing well and I know he was in a dreadful amount of pain. There has been many tears and much introspection. I wish I could just fly up to Colorado and give Dana a big squeeze. I love Dana with all my heart.

I have been trying not to wonder why there has to be so much pain in life sometimes. I only know that through this all I have been so grateful for the One who can help us through it. I am grateful for the timeliness of this message that the Church put on their website only this week. I have watched it several times in the last 24 hours, including early morning hours when I should have been sleeping, but my heart was aching instead. The resurrection has become so much more real for me in the last year. I am grateful for the Savior, for His Gift. I know that someday I will have two legs to kneel at my Savior's feet to thank Him for all He has done. But I will not let that stop me from kneeling with one leg today. Today, I need to remember to be grateful to be with MY family and to be alive. I am truly grateful for the knowledge that if I can be worthy, I can be with my family forever.

"Let It Go!"

Okay, I will admit it. Some people say I am "a little" on the over-protective and structured side. I think some of it comes from only having 2 kids when I wanted 4 or 5 or 6...... Maybe it stems from my desire to always be "good," but, to be honest, I didn't think it was that bad until I found another patient here who I adored instantly and relate to a lot. She has a boy and a girl in the same order as me and are similar in personalities -- just a little older now. Other than the fact that she is about 85 lbs right now, we are a lot alike. And, today, she told me to learn to "let it go."

I guess this is a theme for me right now. Last week a dr I am starting to work with along with Dr. Lodi told me very much the same thing; he said that I need some mind work (am I psycho?) to figure why I think I have to be so busy trying to do stuff all the time to be a good mom. Rick told me that he doesn't care if I am a vegetable, he still wants me around. Caleb just wants me to play with him and Emma just wants snuggles and piano lessons. And I am trying to figure all that out.

A month ago when I started having pain, I found myself not fixing dinner (and not caring what my family ate for dinner) for the first time since I had kids. I found myself leaving whatever dishes didn't fit in the dishwasher in the sink for the first time in my entire life. The kids have watched tv at times when it wasn't Friday. I have not given in to the xbox on a day other than Friday, yet, but we'll see...... And you know what? The world did not end when I woke up to dishes. I always thought I would feel "behind" to begin the day with dirty dishes. You know what? Since I am a morning person, sometimes I have more energy at 6:30am to do dishes than at 6:00pm when a dirty pan may have put me in a puddle of tears with the energy it took to clean it when I was soooo very tired. I have also learned that if my kids and husband do the dishes, I no longer care how the silverware goes in. Caleb is learning to do his own laundry -- and the only thing I make him sort out is his white church shirt. When the kids fold their own clothes, I don't care how it is folded -- I am just happy that they are the ones doing it.

So, in my struggle to "let it go", how far do I go? Such a silly dilemma. But here is what my new friend pointed out to me today -- she asked me:

"Have you noticed the 'healthy' moms? They are the ones who just seem to us over-protective moms like they don't care. Their kids run around doing whatever, the houses aren't always clean, but everyone is always happy. The moms have their projects and don't seem run by a schedule. They fix dinner when they feel like it and don't worry about how healthy it is (okay I don't know if I can COMPLETELY let go of that one, though)."

Such a silly blog post, but this has really been a dilemma for me lately. I want to be around long-term and that means I need to learn to let a lot of things go....... Maybe I am afraid I will go the opposite extreme. And what is that?????????

I could use some advice and help on this one.

We Are a Happy Family

Yay! Back together as a family! I wish I had pictures of everything from the last week. A BIG thank you to all of our friends. We are amazed and in awe and feel overwhelmed with love.

I heard from several people that Steve Palmer is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to moving. And, we weren't sure it was all going to fit, but Steve did it. I bet he is good at puzzles, too!

Rick said we needed a camera Saturday morning. He said there was an army of women who showed up and swept through the house. There were even little kids helping, he said. Wow! I hope everyone gets richly blessed for all they have done for us!

Here is a picture of the truck loaded (courtesy Katharine Bolliger for the pictures)...and thanks for lending her husband over Father's Day weekend (and to Mark for giving up his Father's Day weekend) to help with the drive over.


Trying to get the truck to close after finding a few "randoms" after the truck was loaded. Don't you HATE the "randoms" when you move? Kristi, I feel that there is blog possibilities on that subject -- you would do it justice!


This is when they figured out that the brake lights weren't working. A trip to U-Haul (and a 2nd and 3rd time for various problems) -- thank goodness they didn't make him unload the truck for a new one.

Anyway, Rick and Mark made it safely and we are trying to get settled, figuring out what goes in storage and what we absolutely cannot live without for a month or two.

Thank you everyone for the loves. We love you all!