I know I am stealing the above picture from an email my sister Sarah sent out, but it is too pertinent to how I feel to not include.

I have felt so many gathered together with me -- angels I can see and some I cannot -- to strengthen me this week. There have been moments when I have pleaded for strength to hang on a little longer. Sometimes I have felt alone as I prayed; then I would get an email from someone or a phone call and I would know that there are others kneeling with me out there . This is so humbling for me!

This has been a tough week in some ways. I started experiencing an immense amount of pain this weekend. Sunday we added a second patch of Fentanyl (I refuse to get any higher than I am now -- 50 mg -- as I don't like thinking about having to come off of them at some point). This did the trick, but between the drugs and not having as much pain for the first time in so long, I could not keep my eyes open for the next 3 days. Through every treatment, every conversation I tried to have --I would just doze off. Finally, Tuesday afternoon, I broke my small fever, sweated and slept and woke feeling more lucid.

I have tried not to be discouraged about not being healed in the 7 days I have been here. I know it sounds silly and impatient, but I just want all these drugs and treatments to knock the tumors out YESTERDAY! But Dr. Lodi is encouraged with the small results we have seen. The anaerobic sores on the tumor on my leg are healing (ever so slowly) and the big tumor is softer. that is ALWAYS a good sign as that means things are breaking down or can be broken down more easily.

Today I had the hardest time yet recovering from the chemo treatment. As I stumbled out to the car when Mom came to get me, I opened the door and there were 3 cute little girls in the backseat all grinning at me. :) Cat, Emma, and Sarah. Sarah started to kick and smile and say, hi. Then she got serious and got to the important stuff: "My gum is all gone." It was just the right thing to see their faces to make me smile. Then tonight, when I had waited way too long to change the Fentanyl patches and was paying oh so dearly for it, Abby came over from Spencer's and Karson's and talked my ear off for about 45 minutes. So fun!

Emma has been my snuggle-bug all day and we both needed that! Caleb won't snuggle but he puts up with my hugs and kisses enough to let me know he is more glad for them than he will admit. It has been a rough time for them in a way, but they are sure having fun being around so many cousins!

I will take pictures of me at the center tomorrow to record what some of this looks like. Maybe I will even get Dr. Lodi to slow down enough for a picture.

Rick is coming tomorrow and we can't wait!