Monday, May 31, 2010
Still Hopping Along -- for a while longer
I finally had my counts high enough to start chemo again 2 weeks ago. After the first round of chemo, my counts went down below 4 again; but not so bad that it stopped the Dr. from doing chemo again this week. So.... we'll see what happens when I get my blood test this week. Hopefully, they haven't fallen any more.
I was on a temporary high this week after seeing a show where it looked like a guy had a total hip disarticulation (like me) and had a prothestic that allowed him to ride a bike, run, and walk almost normally. He was an avid biker and had a very active life-style. I was so excited! I had been told two years ago that most people in my situation reject/refuse prothestics, if they even try them, because they are terrible. There isn't enough hip muscle left and no joint to move a prothestic comfortably and it is hard to sit, get onto and off the floor, walk, go up stairs, etc. Most people in my situation just do what I do: crutches, wheelchairs, walkers. After seeing this, though, I was so excited! Well, I was wrong -- after watching the show again, I saw that his amputation was just above the knee and he had enough of a stump for the whole works. And, after doing a little more research and talking to some drs., I heard the same thing I heard 2 years ago. I was sitting at my desk, when I hung up for the last time and started to cry. It was a pretty rough moment. I know I am allowed to be sad and mourn over this; it just doesn't solve anything.
While I was trying to get myself together so I wouldn't worry Caleb and Emma, I looked up over my desk to the above picture. It is one of my favorites. We have it in a beautiful frame and it has come to mean a lot to me. As I looked at it I had such comfort! Because of the Savior, I will not go through eternity with crutches, wheelchairs or walkers. When I am resurrected, I will step out with two legs and it will be such a happy moment, I am sure I will laugh and dance and sing. At that moment I was grateful for the Gift of the Holy Ghost to comfort and remind me of my Savior and what He has done for me.
So, for anyone that thinks I don't have moments of self-pity, I do! I am truly grateful to be alive and to be blessed in so many many ways each day! At the same time, there is so much I want to do and I wonder how to accomplish it. I truly believe the Lord will not ask anything of me, "save he shall prepare a way" for me to accomplish it (like being asked to go on the 4th year hike for Girls Camp? -- that will be interesting).
Excited for summer.........so glad to have my kids home! It has been a nice few days! I am afraid summer will fly by too quickly and then school will start again. I thought I loved the toddler stages the best, but the older my kids get, the more I find to love in each stage.