Monday, May 31, 2010

Still Hopping Along -- for a while longer

I finally had my counts high enough to start chemo again 2 weeks ago.  After the first round of chemo, my counts went down below 4 again; but not so bad that it stopped the Dr. from doing chemo again this week.  So.... we'll see what happens when I get my blood test this week.  Hopefully, they haven't fallen any more. 

I was on a temporary high this week after seeing a show where it looked like a guy had a total hip disarticulation (like me) and had a prothestic that allowed him to ride a bike, run, and walk almost normally.  He was an avid biker and had a very active life-style.  I was so excited!  I had been told two years ago that most people in my situation reject/refuse prothestics, if they even try them, because they are terrible.  There isn't enough hip muscle left and no joint to move a prothestic comfortably and it is hard to sit, get onto and off the floor, walk, go up stairs, etc.  Most people in my situation just do what I do:  crutches, wheelchairs, walkers.  After seeing this, though, I was so excited!  Well, I was wrong -- after watching the show again, I saw that his amputation was just above the knee and he had enough of a stump for the whole works.  And, after doing a little more research and talking to some drs., I heard the same thing I heard 2 years ago.  I was sitting at my desk, when I hung up for the last time and started to cry.  It was a pretty rough moment.  I know I am allowed to be sad and mourn over this;  it just doesn't solve anything. 

While I was trying to get myself together so I wouldn't worry Caleb and Emma, I looked up over my desk to the above picture.  It is one of my favorites.  We have it in a beautiful frame and it has come to mean a lot to me.  As I looked at it I had such comfort!  Because of the Savior, I will not go through eternity with crutches, wheelchairs or walkers.  When I am resurrected, I will step out with two legs and it will be such a happy moment, I am sure I will laugh and dance and sing.  At that moment I was grateful for the Gift of the Holy Ghost to comfort and remind me of my Savior and what He has done for me.

So, for anyone that thinks I don't have moments of self-pity, I do!  I am truly grateful to be alive and to be blessed in so many many ways each day!  At the same time, there is so much I want to do and I wonder how to accomplish it.  I truly believe the Lord will not ask anything of me, "save he shall prepare a way" for me to accomplish it (like being asked to go on the 4th year hike for Girls Camp? -- that will be interesting). 

Excited for glad to have my kids home!  It has been a nice few days!  I am afraid summer will fly by too quickly and then school will start again. I thought I loved the toddler stages the best, but the older my kids get, the more I find to love in each stage.


Joel and Deborah said...

I love you, of course! So glad I sat down at the computer and checked your blog today. It's been too long since we talked. I am happy you're getting IPT again, though. I can't wait to see you one of these days. I don't know when that will be, but hopefully sooner rather than later. Love, Deborah

Kristi said...

Oh Anna, I am so sorry about the outlook for a prosthesis (sp?). I remember the first blog post I read of yours was a list of good things about only having one all the money you save on socks : ) It was more silly than anything but I remember thinking how awesome you were, to be taking such a serious situation and finding the funny in it. I am so glad I have gotten to know you since then, you truly are just a ball of sunshine. Even when you are overcome with the enormity of your situation you are still able to find the good and draw closer to the Savior.

I miss you girl. Thanks for being you.

nana mac said...

What an inspiring Blog Anna. You have always been a 'Light' in this world and I see that you continue to shine no matter what.

I see that this is an older post and that you have not updated for a while. I hope that you are just having a very busy summer honey. I wish I had 'found you' a long time ago- I never knew what a blessing FACEBOOK could be! I have found and re-connected with some of the MOST wonderful people I have ever had in my life, you and your family among them. I was SO GLAD to see this 'blog' on your information page. I am a blogger as well...but it is certainly not the inspiring one that you have here.

May our Heavenly Father bless you and your beautiful family. You will be in our prayers...
Love you!! Denise McIntyre

Jenn Embry said...

Anna, I have been thinking about you and missing you. I hope things are going better. Kinda scares me when you go so long without posting. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Love you!!!

Kikigirl said...

I just re-read this today. I haven't seen you and your family in a long while, and I guess I'll have to wait a while longer, but I look forward to the day I get to see you, when you will laugh and dance and sing. Christ really is our Savior and Redeemer, and through Him we have the hope of eternal life.